Thank you for embarking on this self-exploration journey with me over the past 20 weeks. It has been an interesting experience – challenging in some ways – and fulfilling in its own way as well.
I am writing this post during Week 21 to formally transition to the next stage of my life – a visual reset of the blog, so to speak.
Or perhaps not a reset. Rather – an intermission. The fade-to-black (hence the featured photo choice) in a movie – before the next act starts (or the season finale of a show? Though I think the blog post from a few weeks ago deserves that title. It’s subject matter feels like an appropriate Season 1 finale for this show analogy.)
I read an article today actually about deliberate transitions and how they mentally help your brain shift to a new space (the Harvard Business Review article cited Mr. Rogers’ daily cardigan routine specifically for those who want to shift from work-mode to leisure-mode in the Work-From-Home era.)
I want to mentally shift how I approach the updates of this blog, in hopes that it will renew my zest for it. So. This is my deliberate transition. A rebirth.
I am a different person now than when I started this blog. And rather than just drop it because it doesn’t fit who I am inside, I want to adjust its purpose and redefine it to fit new SK.
Because…a blog that is titled Khanflicted and is forced to live up to solely a self-exploration focus/assignment is a problem when…you’re not always conflicted about who you are.
I know who I am.
I am a person who refuses to be defined by any labels. A human with an artist’s heart (and an entrepreneurial-ish mentality) who intends to use words to serve the world (or minimally, entertain and offer my uniquely-designed perspective.)
Words are what I love.
Spoken. Written. Performed. Displayed.
I love words.
It’s why I find joy in both writing and performance, conversation and song. Comedic and heart-wrenching. Words are the foundation for everything. Words are my art.
And I want to use words to express things that excite me. And showcase my personality and my experiences and less-serious conflicts…without feeling like I have to write a deep, self-exploratory essay every week.
I want to focus on quality over quantity, relatability over discovery, authenticity over formality.
In the COVID era, when human interaction and socializing is limited, the expression of my personality is a gift for the audience, a gift I want to offer the world through this platform. Because the only way I’m going to put effort into it is if I know it’s serving someone else. Otherwise – what’s the point?
My ability to connect, my ability to converse, my ability to think differently. A built-in friend, someone you keep around for entertainment value to hear “the stuff that comes out of her mouth,” but who then surprises you with depth and perspective…offering words that make you think and connect and feel something. It’s just….what I do. (I’ve always joked that if there was a job for “professional friend” I’d make a so much money. My number one skill in life is hanging out. Needless to say, a lunch date last week that did not live up to this challenged my whole identity and could definitely be the subject a future blog post. It’s still self-discovery, but with a more entertaining storyline that doesn’t involve career or ambition or any of these type-A narrative struggles that are so not who I actually am.)
For a few months now, I have found myself deeply resonating with the word Maktub – it is Arabic for ‘it is written.’ It is a term that is supposed to embody destiny and fate, and while I was once someone who believed in that, another part of me believes that there’s more to it for me and my path – that when I put something to paper, when I write it, and it is written, that’s what allows the Maktub-effect to actually take place. Destiny can only happen when you put pen to paper (this is figurative for those reading who aren’t writers. Basically – take action – your own version of putting pen to paper – and destiny will unfold.)
So with that in mind, that is the intention for my next chapter. Not just self-reflection, but rather, expression of personality through my use of words. However I choose to do so. Because that is essential to my destiny. Maktub.
Recommended Listening: Taylor Swift Daylight
I wanna be defined by the things that I love
Not the things I hate
Not the things that I’m afraid of,
Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night
I, I just think that
You are what you love
(These are the final words expressed on Taylor’s Lover album, an album that lyrically captured so much of me at the time of its release and my subsequent year. These final words set her up for the next part of her journey – her next album – a new Taylor. And I guess I wanted to set up new SK and the next part of my journey – my next chapter –with this ‘Daylight’ mentality in mind. Especially fitting considering blog post #1 started by addressing things I, too, was (once) afraid of. — 💜SK)
P.S. I’ve been seeing the number 44 all weekend. Over and over. And while some might just think Obama (our 44th president) – I can’t help but think it represents rebirth (my birthday is April 4th – 4/4 which is…visually…44?) A sign? Or am I just forcing it?